he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
