She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
