Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
