Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
