just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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