she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
