i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
