Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
