If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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