She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
