After last night, I could never be a politician.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
