i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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