Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
