Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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