my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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