In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how can u be prego again
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
