She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
