dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
