My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize