im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize