i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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