I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
