"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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