____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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