Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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