thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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