Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
