like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
