You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We just shotgunned beers for America
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
