Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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