I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just puked most of my soul out..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
