Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
