the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize