I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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