billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
