the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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