If that was your dad, he is hot
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
