I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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