I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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