It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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