she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
