this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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