Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
