I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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