the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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