I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
