And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize