Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
