You're so nebulous sometimes
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize