Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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