i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
