You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
