I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
