a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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