so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I have vodka in my lungs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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