So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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