shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
