you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
