Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
