I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
