I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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