I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
