is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
a search helicopter?!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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