as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
