Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
