The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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