I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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