Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
