Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
