did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
