Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
