I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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