My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize