I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
