I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
