You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
