I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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