I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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