awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize