What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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