you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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