I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
