In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
