some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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