New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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