85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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