Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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