so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up under a house in Key West
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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