dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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