He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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