youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
