Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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