pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
