oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
