i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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