If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
