I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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