I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
